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Todurkin Illya



How did you experience war in 2014? What do you remember from that? How old were you? How did 2014-2015 go for you?
Please tell this story in detail.

I was about 13 years old and I was still studying at school. To be honest, everything that happened around was perceived as "that's how it should be". I wasn't particularly shocked and my world wasn't shaked, as it seems to me now... I mean for example, when the brother of my best girl friend at the time, with whom I was in love, was killed on May 9th. It was accepted as a part of life and the world, which is constantly changing and changing, often not for the better. We celebrated her birthday by looking for his grave in the old Crimean cemetery. Then my uncle got taken prisoner and he disappeared, I think, for a month somewhere in the "DPR". My family was finally divided or disintegrated — part of the family went to russia with my father... To be honest, it was not clear what was happening, and I perceived everything kind of indifferently. For six months, we even moved to russia, running away from what was happening, to our stepfather's relatives. We could not settle there and returned to Mariupol. I went to visit my father a number of times in the summer - sometimes to the Crimea, other times to the Krasnodar Krai - and even back then - in my childhood, I realized that the places and mentality there repulsed me, so I stopped going. Our family's house remained in the "DPR" - near the sea on a cliff from which it probably fell into the sea. Since 2014, we have never been there again, which I never thought about before.

"Where were you these 8 years?".
How has this time passed for you, what changed in your life since the events of 2014?
What has influenced you the most during this time?
Please write in detail.

During this time, I graduated from school and was attempting to enter the Kyiv Academy for two years. I entered the second year and dropped it. Moving to Kyiv was the main event, probably, in those eight years. I went to different cities of Ukraine, lived in Odesa, lived at the factory - also, probably, an important event. There are a couple more events that are noticeable in terms of severity, but I don’t want to talk about them... I think their impact can be looked at again, or something else, I don’t know...

What was February 24, 2022 for you like?
Did you believe that a full-scale offensive would begin?Where are you now? What do you do?

What do you think about your future now?

I first encountered it in bed together with my friend. Some nonsense started, which played out the excitement of fear inside. I didn't believe it right away, but the feelings were calm for the first three days, I don't think it's very healthy. Then something happened, and then everything was lousy - like everyone else, I would not particularly like to talk about all of these and all of that: the drawings illustrate feelings and events, reaction and reflection, and photographs - longing, nostalgia and loss, reflection on the past, which did not appear.
Now I have returned to Kyiv. I roam here and there; I don't have a job anymore, I want to find one, but I'm always very afraid of a job, the last one was good. Maybe I will return to Lviv a little later. I rented a room at the factory, it suits me, it's just hot for now - there are no windows. I need to set up a workshop, find a job, work on my assignments and get back on my feet, organize my life. Everything is difficult enough: nowhere to go to, nowhere to return to, no one to come to, not seeing my mother and sister (and I love them), and my grandmother is stuck in the "DPR". It hurts a lot for them. It is not so difficult for me to lose and lose again my home, but it was so dear to them, my heart bleeds for them.